A child tidies up their room without anyone having to tell them. They rarely speak up, don’t cause any trouble at school, and hardly ever talk about what’s on their mind at home. In families with an autistic child, it’s often the siblings who behave this way. And that’s exactly why they hardly stand out.
Why is it so easy to lose sight of siblings?
Because in these families, a great deal of energy is simply tied up in one area. A large portion of their time, energy, attention, and often money goes toward supporting the autistic child—dealing with appointments, filling out applications, and getting through difficult days. As a result, the siblings are pushed to the sidelines, even though no one intends for that to happen. Many realize this early on and put their own needs aside. They don’t ask for what they want because their parents have enough on their plate as it is.
What’s really on these children’s minds?
It’s often a complex mix of emotions that’s hard to put into words. There’s genuine affection for a brother or sister, mixed with frustration that an outing has been cut short yet again. On top of that, there’s often a guilty conscience about feeling that very frustration. Some feel ashamed of having a meltdown in public and then feel ashamed of having felt ashamed. Others take on responsibility early on and become a second caregiver, even though they are still children themselves. To the outside world, this seems mature and uncomplicated; on the inside, it takes a heavy toll.
What helps siblings?
Spending time alone with parents is one of the most effective strategies of all, even if it’s just half an hour without the autistic sibling. It’s also important to allow negative feelings to be expressed. A child who is allowed to say, “He’s really getting on my nerves today,” doesn’t have to carry that feeling around secretly. Explanations appropriate for the child’s age are also helpful, because once a child understands why their brother can’t stand certain noises, they can put it into perspective better. And it’s worth looking into sibling groups or recreational activities, such as those offered by some regional associations. JuCare, for example, offers such sibling workshops during school breaks.
Want to learn more about JuCare?
In families with an autistic child, there’s often little room for the siblings—usually without anyone noticing. On our page about autism therapy explains how we support families in this process. And if you just have a question for now, feel free to ! You can find regular insights on autism in our newsletter and on Instagram.
